What is your favourite synonym for “bum”?
Whose swearing makes you laugh the most?
My Mother’s. She swears like a retired pirate who drives 18 wheelers for fun.
Who should come to see your show and why?
Anyone who enjoys laughing at the beautiful darkness that is the human condition. My show is all about how I came to terms with who I am and ultimately fell in like with myself. My stories will make you laugh, and will also make you feel a lot better about your personal choices.
Who are you excited about seeing this year?
Caitlin Cook. Her show, Death Wish, is great. I saw her do it in New York earlier this year, and it was marvelous. It’s a multimedia solo show about an experience so real that I don’t want to give it away. I only imagine it’s gotten better since I last saw it, and I’m excited to go again.
Imagine you come off stage and find a wish come true. Which food/drink/present/person would be waiting for you?
Deep fried catfish po-boy/Pappy Van Winkle 25 year old bourbon/Tesla X/Personal driver. I’m often hungry when I get offstage, and I’d like to get drunk and ruminate on life while being driven around town, yet not in a way that further damages the environment.
Describe your perfect day at the Fringe.
Wake up before noon, eat an entire haggis or two, walk around enough to burn off them haggi’, accidentally make a room full of strangers laugh, sit down in the meadows and actually get some writing done, go to my venue and purposely make a room full of strangers laugh, go to a show starring someone I’ve never heard of and be blown away and turn into their biggest fan, end up at a bar full of friends, colleagues and a few enemies, drink until the wee hours of the morning and turn all those enemies into friends, (and a few strangers into enemies, but worthy ones at that), get back to my flat, and get a good night’s sleep. (Specifically 2.5 hours REM, 3 hours light, 3 hours deep.)
How long does it take to come down after a show and how do you do it?
I don’t think I’ve ever come down. From the good ones or the bad. That’s why I’m a Contradickhead.
In the game “Would You Rather?” what’s the hardest choice you have had to make?
Be happy and weak or miserable and strong. I think I’m all four.
What’s your favourite Brexit metaphor?
The UK is to the EU what Texas is to the US: You keep saying you’re gonna leave, and the rest of us are like “Fucking go then!”, but you haven’t! Yet.
Who or what helped you believe you were going to make it in comedy?
Me. That’s all I’ve ever needed or will need.
Tell us something your agent doesn’t want us to know.
I am afraid of falling apart. Always.
Buy tickets for Sean Patton: Contradickhead here
7.45pm | Gilded Balloon Balcony | 31 July – 1 to 25 Aug