Impertinent Questions for Nick Helm

What is your favourite synonym for “bum”?

Arse.

Whose swearing makes you laugh the most?

My Mum’s.

Who should come to see your show and why?

There are a lot of shows up here. So many to see. So much to do. And that will all still be right there waiting for you once everyone has come to see both my shows first.

Who are you excited about seeing this year?

Paul F Taylor, Annie McGrath, Colin Hoult/Anna Mann, Jordan Brookes, Seann Walsh, Jen Brister, Rhys James. I don’t know, I don’t really like comedy.

Imagine you come off stage and find a wish come true. Which food/drink/present/person would be waiting for you?

All I want when I come off stage is for someone to just hold me in their arms, rock me back and forth and tell me everything will be alright and that it wasn’t all for nothing. That and a sausage roll and a Magner’s.

Describe your perfect day at the Fringe.

All shows cancelled due to electrical shortages. Then haggis.

How long does it take to come down after a show and how do you do it?

If the show goes very badly then surprisingly no time at all. I don’t really need to “come down” after a gig anymore, but if it goes well, I try to enjoy it for as long as possible. I think it’s important to mark a personal achievement in some way and celebrate the little things in life, before some cunt comes along and ruins it.

In the game “Would You Rather?” what’s the hardest choice you have had to make?

What I’ll watch on Netflix instead.

What’s your favourite Brexit metaphor?

I thought it was funny when Brexit was being initially floated that the politicians kept saying if we leave Europe then we’ll hold all the cards. It depends what game sure, but usually if you’re playing cards and you’re holding all of them, it means that you are shit at cards.

Who or what helped you believe you were going to make it in comedy?

My Mum, my Dad and Jimmy Carr.

Tell us something your agent doesn’t want us to know.

I’m a softly spoken, mild mannered, nerd from Hertfordshire.

Buy tickets for Nick Helm: Phoenix from the Flames here

5.40pm | Pleasance Dome | 31 July, 1-11, 13-24 Aug

Buy tickets for Nick Helm’s I Think, You Stink! here

9.45pm | Assembly Roxy | 31 July, 1-11, 13-24 Aug

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