What is your favourite synonym for “bum”?
Farter. And I’ll tell you my worst one too. I was watching that drama with Robert Carlyle Looking after Jojo he’s about 12 in it. Anyway, the baddie guy called it a ‘bot bot’ and I nearly spewed.
Whose swearing makes you laugh the most?
My 3-year-old nephew Nathan. He was playing with his toy and something happened and he just went ‘fuck sake!’ I couldn’t give him into trouble for laughing.
Who should come to see your show and why?
Anyone and everyone because I am skint.
Who are you excited about seeing this year?
Rachel Jackson has just found out she’s doing a short run with her show Slutty Little Goldfish at Sneaky Pete’s. She’s my buddy and so funny in real life and in fake life. Also, Steff Todd’s show Reality Check at Just the Tonic. If you love reality TV like I do then this is the show for you.
Imagine you come off stage and find a wish come true. Which food/drink/present/person would be waiting for you?
Brinner – which is breakfast at dinner time. 2 poached eggs (soft) loads of crispy, streaky bacon, a square sausage (steak slice) a potato scone (crispy) black pudding (Stornaway) fried tomatoes and Mother’s Pride plain bread toasted with LOADS of Lurpak butter. A bottle of prosecco please. A wad of cold hard cash for the present and my dog Annie (who is a person in my book).
Describe your perfect day at the Fringe.
Take my dog out a massive walk, maybe along the water of Leith. Have lunch at Bar Soba in Hanover Street, catch an early show then head home and chill out and have the above mentioned food and drink.
How long does it take to come down after a show and how do you do it?
Pretty soon. I don’t really come up in the first place. Just now I’ll just come home, watch Love Island and go to sleep.
In the game “Would You Rather?” what’s the hardest choice you have had to make?
I’ve never played Would You Rather and never will. Making any decisions – even picking a meal deal – gives me anxiety, why would I partake in such a game?
What’s your favourite Brexit metaphor?
Right, I’ll give you my own. Brexit is like, remember at school when one of your peers asked you something you didn’t know the answer to and you pretended to know out of fear of ridicule. So for example, they asked you what a blow job was, and you’d say ‘Of course I know what a blow job is!’ (even though you didn’t). Then they’d say, ‘Well what is it then?’ And you’d be like, ‘I’m not telling you ’cause you don’t know what a blow job is and your just trying to find out from me.’ Everyone’s walking around pretending they know what a blow job is and no-one’s got a clue. Look, that needs work but you know what I mean.
Who or what helped you believe you were going to make it in comedy?
My mum. I started off writing a funny novel for a course and then my mum looked up all these competitions for me and I entered a Harper Collins one she found. I ended up coming runner up and after that I just thought I could actually do this. My mum is really funny and loves comedy. She’s always finding good shows for me to watch.
Tell us something your agent doesn’t want us to know.
Buy tickets for Susan Riddell: Duvet Day here
7.15pm | Monkey Barrel | 2-11, 13-25 Aug