What is your favourite synonym for “bum”?
“Ba-donk-a-donk.” No question.
Whose swearing makes you laugh the most?
Who should come to see your show and why?
HUMAN BEINGS HAHAHAHAHAHA seriously I need money.
Who are you excited about seeing this year?
Bryony Kimmings. I’m a Phoenix, Bitch looks insane and that’s a pretty great title.
Imagine you come off stage and find a wish come true. Which food/drink/present/person would be waiting for you?
A pile of underpants from the Chippendales who have just been in the audience and thought I was so funny and clever that I deserved endless sexual pleasure. Either that or a nice cake.
Describe your perfect day at the Fringe.
Wake up. Remember it’s my day off. Go back to sleep.
How long does it take to come down after a show and how do you do it?
I am usually exhausted and sweaty and gross so I tend to get a mac’n’cheese and have a shower then collapse into bed. It’s tough but I manage to do it because I’m a professional.
In the game “Would You Rather?” what’s the hardest choice you have had to make?
My friends and I once come up with “Would you rather CLEAN a toilet for the rest of your life or GO to the toilet for the rest of your life?”. I think about it every day and I’m still not sure.
Who or what helped you believe you were going to make it in comedy?
Natasha Bedingfield’s 2004 pop masterpiece Unwritten.
Tell us something your agent doesn’t want us to know.
I like Natasha Bedingfield’s 2004 pop masterpiece Unwritten.
Buy tickets for Tom Ballard: Enough here
9pm | Monkey Barrel | 1-12, 14-25 Aug